Our lives fell into a pattern for the next 6 months. I would wake up at 5, eat breakfast, jog, change, and then go to work. I would come back, eat lunch with Daphne (who would wake up at around when I got back) and then she would go to work. I would go shopping if necessary, clean our living quarters, and exercise some more. I'm not quite sure what Daphne did when she got home, because I was usually showered and fast asleep by then.
Daphne and I both got pay raises over time and we grew to like our jobs. Our bosses were both good people and treated everyone fairly. Or at least, that was the impression that we got while working with them.
I learned to live with little sleep and managed to stay up past 12 on more than one occasion to talk with Daphne. Though the time spent with her on a daily basis was shorter than we would have liked, we grew closer and closer to each other, learning to trust one another and sharing secrets about our past. We chuckled together in our midnight chats on funny things that had happened in work and we fought to smother our laughter when we talked about how much the owner of the house was like a pampered cat that was unruffled by the slightest disturbance. More than once we were scolded by the owner to be quiet.
We never exactly got very close to her, and those I used to know her name at one point, when we had first rented the house, but by now, I had forgotten her name. The thing we learned about living with her was this- we stayed on our side of the turf, and she stayed on her side. She did say hello to us sometimes or tell us how the kitchen appliances (we couldn't figure out how her oven worked once and it took a ten minute explanation from her for us to finally learn how to use it) worked, but other than that, not much conversation passed.
Life was good. Daphne and I had more freedom than we ever had before. And we stopped going to school. We were old enough, since I was 18 and she was 17, and so we just discontinued our trips to school. Besides, with our jobs, we couldn't really afford to go to school anyways.
Thinking of which, we were able to save up a good amount of money. The amount we used was alarming at first, but we managed to scrape up a little more than 8500. Fine, you say we only saved up around 2500 but it was a good amount of money that we saved up after 6 months, especially considering all the things we were paying. Our jobs didn't create that much money though.
We took odd jobs here and there so that we could earn some extra money. Besides, I had time and she had time, though at different periods in the day. And they killed some time anyways. I was proud of how much we saved up.
All went well until the end of the 7th month.
~*~
"Jona, I wish you would come back. I miss you. Kathy misses you." I stared blankly in shock at my mother pleading for me to come back. Then I regained control of myself and smiled slightly, trying to remain friendly.
"So you want me to come home?"
"Yes! I love you, my eldest daughter..." I stiffened.
"Daughter?"
"Of course, that's what you are?"
"No. It isn't who I am inside."
"Don't talk nonsense!" She was starting to look irritated.
"You can't change who I am. If you can't accept who I am inside, then no, I'm not going back."
"This is just some crazy, delusional idea that you have! Tell me that you miss me and that you'll come back and be a good daughter!" At this point, some of the other people in the theater began to notice what was going on. There was a break in the mass of people because people were inside watching at the moment, but there still were some stray customers and staff.
"I do miss you, but I can't say that I'm your daughter. This is not some crazy idea and until you and everyone else in the family accepts it, I will never come back."
"Fine! I always loved Kathy better! You were always the disobedient one!"
"To be quite honest, I never loved you like a mother; I only respected that you were the one who brought me into this world."
"And I will regret forever the day that you came into the world!"
"And I will never treat you with the little respect I managed to give you."
"GO TO HELL YOU DEVIL SPAWN!" She gave me the middle finger before she stormed away. She didn't use any worse language than she had when she had first made me leave "her" trash alone, but that one simple gesture was enough to make me erupt into laughter. It took me a good minute or two to stop my laughing.
When I looked up again, I found myself face to face with my boss.
"Is there something I need to do?" I was honestly confused what exactly my boss was here for. I normally didn't see her and to be looking straight at her now, I wondered if I had done something wrong.
"No, but..." She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair.
"What's wrong?"
"I'm extremely sorry about this, but I'm going to have to fire you."
"What?! What did I do?"
"You're trans, right?"
"You picked that up from the arguement with my mom?"
"Yeah. Unfortunately for you, your mother shouted loud enough for most people in the theater to hear even over the movies. I normally don't have a problem with people being trans but if word of this were to get out..."
"You would lose most of the customers."
"Yes. It's unfair, and I know, but I really can't afford to any customers."
"I understand."
"Here." She whipped out a checkbook and scribbled out a check to me. "Here's your last check and some. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of your life." She turned, but before her face was completely away from me, I saw the glimmer of a tear in her eye.
"Thank you for everything." I said before I left the movie theater for the last time.
AN: WAAAAAHHHH!!!! This was planned from the start, but it still kills me.....
Wednesday, June 25, 2008
Sunday, June 22, 2008
First Day of Work (Chapter 9)
I groaned as my watch alarm blared into my ear. Being the very smart person I was, I slept on the arm that my watch was on and it so happened that it was next to my ear when it went off at 5 in the morning. Turning it off, I looked towards Daphne's general direction-she hadn't woken. I changed quickly into the (hideous) uniform for work (a weird orange and red striped shirt, a matching red visor, and black pants) and then tiptoed down the stairs.
As I heated some water up in a pot, I grabbed an instant oatmeal pack, a tea bag, and an apple. I munched on the apple until the water boiled. Then, I turned off the fire, waited for the water to settle down, and poured the water into a bowl and mug. I stuck the tea bag into the mug and dumped the instant oatmeal package into the bowl. The tea bag was left in their for a half a minute before I pulled it out and put it in a small bowl. It could be reused at least one more time.
I mixed up the instant oatmeal with one hand and used the other to finish off the apple. The core was thrown into the trash can and the oatmeal was slurped down within seconds. The tea was hotter than the oatmeal, but went pretty fast as well. Still slightly thirsty and hoping to quash some of the hunger I still felt, I heated up some more water and drank another cup of tea, this time depositing the tea bag into the trash can.
Checking my watch, I found that it was 5:10 and I still had time. So, I changed back into the clothes I had worn yesterday and jogged around the block until it was around 5:45. I headed back inside, cooled off, and then changed into the uniform once more. I walked slowly to the movie theater, knowing that it would only take around ten minutes to get there. Sure enough, I arrived five minutes early. The manager looked slightly impressed but didn't say anything. She handed me the name label I was to wear every single day and I quickly stuck in on the uniform. Then, I waited for the first customer to arrive.
It was a boring day. All I did was sell snacks and try to maintain a cheerful expression. Which apparently worked, because a lot of people came to my side of the theater rather than the other side, which also sold snacks. The manager seemed very pleased, congratulated me on my good work for the day, and then I left. I wished that I could get a pay check at the end of every week, but the pay checks were only given out every month.
I walked back to the house and then went upstairs to find Daphne still sleeping. It was amazing how someone could sleep so much. Not wanting to bother her, I slipped back downstairs and made myself lunch-instant mac and cheese. The containers only had a puny amount of food and I ended up eating two containers. Even after that, I was still slightly hungry, but it would have to do.
Daphne finally came downstairs around 4 and was changed for her job. She made her own lunch, which was one of those frozen sandwiches. It looked pretty good, though slightly small in my opinion. It seemed to fill her though, for she looked content after eating it. She downed a cup of water before sitting down across from me at the table.
"So, Jacob, how was your first day of work?"
"It was good. The manager seemed to like me and I sold a lot of stuff."
"That's great!" She sounded genuinely happy, but she could have been faking it.
We talked about work and how some guy at the movie theater wouldn't stop talking loudly even after other people had asked him nicely to quiet down a little. (I heard him through the doors where the movie was, if you can believe that. He eventually got kicked out.)
At around 4:40, she left to go to work, for Mario's was a little farther than the movie theater. I went upstairs, got out of the uniform, and hung it up to air out for tomorrow. I planned on washing it on Monday, my only free day. I did some simple exercises and then jogged outside again until it started to rain. I didn't think that Daphne had brought an umbrella, so I grabbed the one that we had bought the other day and went to Mario's to bring it to her. She looked a little surprised, but thanked me anyways. I jogged back to the house in the rain.
Completely soaked, I quickly changed my clothes and dried off my hair. I also quickly cleaned up the trail of water I had left before the owner came back.
At around 7, the owner came back, made herself dinner, ate, and then headed into the shower. As she was showering, I ate my own dinner that I heated up in the microwave. (I also chopped up some vegetables, cooked them, and put them in my microwave dinner to add nutrition to my diet.)
I had no idea what the owner of the house did for work, but she made no attempt to talk to me, so I kept my mouth shut. She didn't seem too friendly anyways.
There was nothing to do, so I doodled in a notebook until around 9, when I crept downstairs to grab a banana as a snack. I took a shower at around 9:30 and then prepared for bed. At 10, I turned off the lights, for it was supposed to be lights out at that time and tried to remain as quiet as I could. I wanted to stay awake to make sure Daphne was alright, but I fell asleep before I heard her come up the stairs.
AN: This is a slightly shorter chapter than some of the other chapters I have written, but I felt it was necessary to convey what sort of work day the two characters had. It's not an easy life. You can probably tell that Jacob is pretty much constantly hungry, despite the fact that he eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He eats only enough to make sure he's not starving, but he tries not to eat up all the food at once. Daphne, however, has a smaller stomach and doesn't require as much food as Jacob and seems fine. Poor Jacob... I hate being hungry all the time. It happens to me on school days...
As I heated some water up in a pot, I grabbed an instant oatmeal pack, a tea bag, and an apple. I munched on the apple until the water boiled. Then, I turned off the fire, waited for the water to settle down, and poured the water into a bowl and mug. I stuck the tea bag into the mug and dumped the instant oatmeal package into the bowl. The tea bag was left in their for a half a minute before I pulled it out and put it in a small bowl. It could be reused at least one more time.
I mixed up the instant oatmeal with one hand and used the other to finish off the apple. The core was thrown into the trash can and the oatmeal was slurped down within seconds. The tea was hotter than the oatmeal, but went pretty fast as well. Still slightly thirsty and hoping to quash some of the hunger I still felt, I heated up some more water and drank another cup of tea, this time depositing the tea bag into the trash can.
Checking my watch, I found that it was 5:10 and I still had time. So, I changed back into the clothes I had worn yesterday and jogged around the block until it was around 5:45. I headed back inside, cooled off, and then changed into the uniform once more. I walked slowly to the movie theater, knowing that it would only take around ten minutes to get there. Sure enough, I arrived five minutes early. The manager looked slightly impressed but didn't say anything. She handed me the name label I was to wear every single day and I quickly stuck in on the uniform. Then, I waited for the first customer to arrive.
It was a boring day. All I did was sell snacks and try to maintain a cheerful expression. Which apparently worked, because a lot of people came to my side of the theater rather than the other side, which also sold snacks. The manager seemed very pleased, congratulated me on my good work for the day, and then I left. I wished that I could get a pay check at the end of every week, but the pay checks were only given out every month.
I walked back to the house and then went upstairs to find Daphne still sleeping. It was amazing how someone could sleep so much. Not wanting to bother her, I slipped back downstairs and made myself lunch-instant mac and cheese. The containers only had a puny amount of food and I ended up eating two containers. Even after that, I was still slightly hungry, but it would have to do.
Daphne finally came downstairs around 4 and was changed for her job. She made her own lunch, which was one of those frozen sandwiches. It looked pretty good, though slightly small in my opinion. It seemed to fill her though, for she looked content after eating it. She downed a cup of water before sitting down across from me at the table.
"So, Jacob, how was your first day of work?"
"It was good. The manager seemed to like me and I sold a lot of stuff."
"That's great!" She sounded genuinely happy, but she could have been faking it.
We talked about work and how some guy at the movie theater wouldn't stop talking loudly even after other people had asked him nicely to quiet down a little. (I heard him through the doors where the movie was, if you can believe that. He eventually got kicked out.)
At around 4:40, she left to go to work, for Mario's was a little farther than the movie theater. I went upstairs, got out of the uniform, and hung it up to air out for tomorrow. I planned on washing it on Monday, my only free day. I did some simple exercises and then jogged outside again until it started to rain. I didn't think that Daphne had brought an umbrella, so I grabbed the one that we had bought the other day and went to Mario's to bring it to her. She looked a little surprised, but thanked me anyways. I jogged back to the house in the rain.
Completely soaked, I quickly changed my clothes and dried off my hair. I also quickly cleaned up the trail of water I had left before the owner came back.
At around 7, the owner came back, made herself dinner, ate, and then headed into the shower. As she was showering, I ate my own dinner that I heated up in the microwave. (I also chopped up some vegetables, cooked them, and put them in my microwave dinner to add nutrition to my diet.)
I had no idea what the owner of the house did for work, but she made no attempt to talk to me, so I kept my mouth shut. She didn't seem too friendly anyways.
There was nothing to do, so I doodled in a notebook until around 9, when I crept downstairs to grab a banana as a snack. I took a shower at around 9:30 and then prepared for bed. At 10, I turned off the lights, for it was supposed to be lights out at that time and tried to remain as quiet as I could. I wanted to stay awake to make sure Daphne was alright, but I fell asleep before I heard her come up the stairs.
AN: This is a slightly shorter chapter than some of the other chapters I have written, but I felt it was necessary to convey what sort of work day the two characters had. It's not an easy life. You can probably tell that Jacob is pretty much constantly hungry, despite the fact that he eats breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He eats only enough to make sure he's not starving, but he tries not to eat up all the food at once. Daphne, however, has a smaller stomach and doesn't require as much food as Jacob and seems fine. Poor Jacob... I hate being hungry all the time. It happens to me on school days...
Thursday, June 19, 2008
Renting (Chapter 8)
I stared at the olive colored door as I waited for the owner to open the door. Daphne, nervously biting her nails (a habit that took me forever to grow out of, despite my mother's constant bothering), stood behind me, also waiting. The door opened and a young woman (not what I had expected) looked at us confused from the doorway.
"Hi, I'm Jona and this is Noah. We're here to rent the upper level of your house and access to your kitchen." I hesitated slightly with the names, but I chose to use our given names. We had used them when we had gotten our jobs and we'd most likely survive longer if we maintained them. I felt that we'd be safer if we pretended that we weren't trans for now. It felt like hiding our true selves, but if that was what we had to do to protect ourselves, then it was what would have to be done.
"Oh come right in. Let me show you the rooms that you can use and what the rules are." I cautiously stepped into the extremely clean house with Daphne close on my heels. She gave me a look to tell me that she understood why I had chosen to use our given names once again, just like I had when she had chosen to use Noah at Mario's.
"First off," I snapped back to the real world from my thoughts and paid attention to her words as best as I could. "you have to clean up after yourself. Trash is put into the trash bins and put outside on Mondays. I will check on Sundays that the rooms upstairs are clean. The top half of the refrigerator is yours to use. Same goes for the freezer. You may use the kitchen when necessary. Lights go out at 10 and waking time is 7 at the latest." She began to head up the stairs. When she reached the top, she waited until we seemed ready and listening again.
"Here is the second floor. This is the top floor unless you count the attic, which you are not allowed into. Try to keep it quiet and no permanent decorations. The pay is $250 per month. These are the only rules I ask you to follow. Is that clear?" We nodded silently and she slipped back downstairs to leave us to our own devices.
"Let's take a good look at what's up here then, shall we?" Daphne looked slightly weary, but her eyes were bright with excitement, so I agreed. There was only one bedroom with only one bed, a couch, a small table, two chairs and a spacious closet. It was a good thing that there was a couch or else I would never be able to sleep. A small bathroom was next door. Other than that, there was a small empty closet near the bedroom and a balcony. (It seemed that this closet was used for towels and stuff, but I never really paid attention to things like that.)
"Well, it's a decent place. Relatively clean and spacious. It'll do for now." I thought that we had gotten a pretty good deal for $250 a month.
"Can we afford it though?" Daphne's gentle voice reminded me that we had to watch the money.
"Well... I think food might be around $150 a week. Other things, such as toilet paper and such, probably will be around $25-$50 a week. You make $1100 a month and I make $950 a month so we should be able to make it."
"So we'll make a little money at least?"
"I should hope so. We may have to eat sparingly though."
"Well, I wanted to watch my figure anyways." We laughed, though weariness and sadness tinged our laughter.
There wasn't much to unpack, and we were done by around 2. Then we headed out to buy supplies. By then, our stomachs were starting to growl, and to stave off the hunger for a while, Daphne opened up the chips, and we ate as we walked to Costco. We didn't say anything at all as we walked; the only noises we made were that of chewing.
Daphne headed off to find the things that she needed and I went off to find what I needed. When we met again, she had a basket full of things and so did I. Then we got some simple snacks. The total cost ended up being $189.48, more than I had expected. But it was just for the beginning. Most of the things would be used for an extended amount of time. Even so, I worried.
~*~
At around 4, Daphne and I made it back to the place that was to be home for a while. We ended up going to the supermarket and buying a lot of microwave-able foods. Probably not very healthy, but it was food all the same. I also picked out some fruits and vegetables we could eat for snacks and such.
The freezer section that we had been allowed ended up being almost completely full, while the refrigerator section only had fruits and vegetables and was mostly empty.
Daphne wasn't very hungry and only had a small appetite, but I was ravenous. She ate half of her microwave dinner and I ate mines and the other half of hers. Even after that, I was still hungry. But the meal filled me enough so that my stomach was no longer growling, and that was all that really mattered.
I did a few crunches and push-ups while Daphne was taking a shower. (I also set the alarm on my watch to 5 in the morning.) When I got out of the shower after her, I found that she had organized our things. She showed me where everything was and then collapsed onto the bed. I settled for the couch.
It wasn't too bad after adding a pillow and a blanket. It was a little small and lumpy, but it was fairly good. I tossed and turned all night. Daphne was asleep, I could tell, for her breathing was peaceful and slow. It wasn't that the couch was uncomfortable, it was more that...I had too many things on my mind. Yet, I wasn't really thinking about them, stuff was just floating around in my mind.
I wondered how much a gender change would cost for the both of us, if we would be able to survive, if we would be able to save up enough money to do a gender change, if we would ever be accepted as trans. And there was more things going on in my mind, that I think I won't mention.
It must have been past 12 when I finally fell asleep, for I remember looking at my watch at 11:38 and not being able to sleep for a long time afterwards.
"Hi, I'm Jona and this is Noah. We're here to rent the upper level of your house and access to your kitchen." I hesitated slightly with the names, but I chose to use our given names. We had used them when we had gotten our jobs and we'd most likely survive longer if we maintained them. I felt that we'd be safer if we pretended that we weren't trans for now. It felt like hiding our true selves, but if that was what we had to do to protect ourselves, then it was what would have to be done.
"Oh come right in. Let me show you the rooms that you can use and what the rules are." I cautiously stepped into the extremely clean house with Daphne close on my heels. She gave me a look to tell me that she understood why I had chosen to use our given names once again, just like I had when she had chosen to use Noah at Mario's.
"First off," I snapped back to the real world from my thoughts and paid attention to her words as best as I could. "you have to clean up after yourself. Trash is put into the trash bins and put outside on Mondays. I will check on Sundays that the rooms upstairs are clean. The top half of the refrigerator is yours to use. Same goes for the freezer. You may use the kitchen when necessary. Lights go out at 10 and waking time is 7 at the latest." She began to head up the stairs. When she reached the top, she waited until we seemed ready and listening again.
"Here is the second floor. This is the top floor unless you count the attic, which you are not allowed into. Try to keep it quiet and no permanent decorations. The pay is $250 per month. These are the only rules I ask you to follow. Is that clear?" We nodded silently and she slipped back downstairs to leave us to our own devices.
"Let's take a good look at what's up here then, shall we?" Daphne looked slightly weary, but her eyes were bright with excitement, so I agreed. There was only one bedroom with only one bed, a couch, a small table, two chairs and a spacious closet. It was a good thing that there was a couch or else I would never be able to sleep. A small bathroom was next door. Other than that, there was a small empty closet near the bedroom and a balcony. (It seemed that this closet was used for towels and stuff, but I never really paid attention to things like that.)
"Well, it's a decent place. Relatively clean and spacious. It'll do for now." I thought that we had gotten a pretty good deal for $250 a month.
"Can we afford it though?" Daphne's gentle voice reminded me that we had to watch the money.
"Well... I think food might be around $150 a week. Other things, such as toilet paper and such, probably will be around $25-$50 a week. You make $1100 a month and I make $950 a month so we should be able to make it."
"So we'll make a little money at least?"
"I should hope so. We may have to eat sparingly though."
"Well, I wanted to watch my figure anyways." We laughed, though weariness and sadness tinged our laughter.
There wasn't much to unpack, and we were done by around 2. Then we headed out to buy supplies. By then, our stomachs were starting to growl, and to stave off the hunger for a while, Daphne opened up the chips, and we ate as we walked to Costco. We didn't say anything at all as we walked; the only noises we made were that of chewing.
Daphne headed off to find the things that she needed and I went off to find what I needed. When we met again, she had a basket full of things and so did I. Then we got some simple snacks. The total cost ended up being $189.48, more than I had expected. But it was just for the beginning. Most of the things would be used for an extended amount of time. Even so, I worried.
~*~
At around 4, Daphne and I made it back to the place that was to be home for a while. We ended up going to the supermarket and buying a lot of microwave-able foods. Probably not very healthy, but it was food all the same. I also picked out some fruits and vegetables we could eat for snacks and such.
The freezer section that we had been allowed ended up being almost completely full, while the refrigerator section only had fruits and vegetables and was mostly empty.
Daphne wasn't very hungry and only had a small appetite, but I was ravenous. She ate half of her microwave dinner and I ate mines and the other half of hers. Even after that, I was still hungry. But the meal filled me enough so that my stomach was no longer growling, and that was all that really mattered.
I did a few crunches and push-ups while Daphne was taking a shower. (I also set the alarm on my watch to 5 in the morning.) When I got out of the shower after her, I found that she had organized our things. She showed me where everything was and then collapsed onto the bed. I settled for the couch.
It wasn't too bad after adding a pillow and a blanket. It was a little small and lumpy, but it was fairly good. I tossed and turned all night. Daphne was asleep, I could tell, for her breathing was peaceful and slow. It wasn't that the couch was uncomfortable, it was more that...I had too many things on my mind. Yet, I wasn't really thinking about them, stuff was just floating around in my mind.
I wondered how much a gender change would cost for the both of us, if we would be able to survive, if we would be able to save up enough money to do a gender change, if we would ever be accepted as trans. And there was more things going on in my mind, that I think I won't mention.
It must have been past 12 when I finally fell asleep, for I remember looking at my watch at 11:38 and not being able to sleep for a long time afterwards.
Wednesday, June 18, 2008
Trying to Survive (Chapter 7)
I woke to find Daphne safely in my arms, sleeping soundly, her head against my shoulder. Her sleeping face was twisted into a worried and sad expression, sending a pang of pain to my heart. She and I were on our own now and we both knew it.
My father had kicked my out of the house and my mother would never accept the fact that I was trans. Kathy most likely would be shielded and might even be told that I ran away from home.
Daphne's parents I wasn't so sure about, but they had turned her out, so I guessed that she wouldn't be able to go back either.
"Jacob?" I looked down at Daphne's beautiful face, eyes full of so much pain. Instinctively, I pulled her close to me. I never wanted her to be hurt; I wanted to protect her.
"We can never go back, can we?" she said mournfully. My shoulder had become damp and I guessed that she was crying again.
"No, I don't suppose we can." I whispered, kissing her forehead gently.
"We should at least try to get some of our things." Daphne shifted herself out of my embrace and stood up. Her eyes were slightly red, but other than that, you couldn't tell that she had been crying.
"Meet you back here afterwards?" She nodded in consent to my suggestion and we parted ways.
~*~
I didn't even have to go inside. Apparently, my room had already been emptied of its contents. Scavenging around, I found a backpack and filled it with whatever essentials I could find.
They had dumped my safe outside, not knowing how to open it. Thank goodness for that. Sighing with relief (what little relief I could feel), I opened it and took out the $2000 I had saved up over the years. There was also some jewelry that had been presents from Christmases and birthdays past. I could probably sell them for money or perhaps give them to Daphne if she wanted.
I had just barely finished putting all my finding into the backpack when my mother stormed out of the house.
"Get away from my trash." She looked ready to kill someone.
"If it's trash, then you don't want it. So why can't I take it?"
"SHUT UP! LEAVE THIS HOUSE ALONE! DON'T EVER COME BACK!"
"And so a mother abandons her child." I commented dryly before turning away from her.
"YOU'RE NO CHILD OF MINE! GO BURN IN HELL!" I suppressed a snicker, despite the fact that this wasn't the time to be laughing. This was the worst I'd ever heard from my mother.
"I'll say hi to the devil for you!" I shouted to her as I walked away from the house I'd lived in for all my life. I would never return to that house.
~*~
It took Daphne around 10 minutes to arrive after I had made it to our designated waiting spot. She was carrying a filled bag.
"Any luck?" She nodded at my question and put down her bag.
"I got clothes, some money, and a bag of chips. You?"
"Clothes, money, and jewelry. Where'd you get the chips?"
"My dad let me in for a little, giving me the cold shoulder the whole time, but got me out of the house ASAP."
"Lucky you. My stuff was already outside."
"Already ou- Oh Jacob, I'm so sorry."
"There's nothing to be done about it." I replied bitterly.
"Where will we go now?"
"I don't know. How much money did you bring?" I honestly didn't know what we were going to do.
"$4000. Why?"
"First off, we need to find a place to live and secondly, we need money for food. Finally, I don't know if you're interested, but I was considering on getting a gender change as soon as possible."
"If you get a gender change, I'll do mines at the same time."
"We have to get enough money first. Do you know how much it costs?"
"No... But we can find out, right?"
"Yup. I suggest we try to get jobs though."
"Where?"
"I don't know. Where ever we can, I guess." I headed off towards the center of town, where there were stores that could possibly have job openings. Daphne followed behind hesitantly, unsure of what to do. To tell you truth, I didn't really know what to do either, but I tried my best.
It took a long time and a lot of persuading to get Daphne a job at Mario's as a waitress. (Actually, the job description was for a waiter, but I say waitress because I consider Daphne a girl. She applied as Noah though.) I was glad that we were both old enough to have jobs otherwise we would have been in quite a bit of a pickle.
The manager set out to teach Daphne how things worked and I told her I'd be back at 1 (it was around 11). Then I tried to get myself a job. The only job available was selling concessions at the movie theater. I accepted the job (a little reluctantly, for it wasn't a very appealing job) and told the manager I'd begin tomorrow after she had explained how everything operated.
Upon checking my watch, I found it was only a few minutes until it was 1, so I quickly made my way to Mario's. Daphne was already outside waiting for me.
"So everything is all set?" I asked, wanting to make sure things were okay.
"Yeah, I begin tomorrow, from 5 to 11 at night."
"You got the night shift?"
"Unfortunately, yes. It's a good thing I don't usually fall asleep until 12 at night. What about you?"
"Selling snacks at the theater from 6 am to 3 pm."
"Jeez, we only see each other for a couple hours, if at all."
"It'll be hard, but we'll have to make it work. We have no choice."
"I know..." There was a pause.
"We should look for shelter now, shouldn't we?" I looked at Daphne, then nodded in agreement.
"Someone might be renting a room or two if we're lucky." Picking up the town newspaper (someone had left it on a nearby bench), I looked at the ads.
We got lucky. Some lady was renting out the upper level of her house, plus access to the kitchen.
My father had kicked my out of the house and my mother would never accept the fact that I was trans. Kathy most likely would be shielded and might even be told that I ran away from home.
Daphne's parents I wasn't so sure about, but they had turned her out, so I guessed that she wouldn't be able to go back either.
"Jacob?" I looked down at Daphne's beautiful face, eyes full of so much pain. Instinctively, I pulled her close to me. I never wanted her to be hurt; I wanted to protect her.
"We can never go back, can we?" she said mournfully. My shoulder had become damp and I guessed that she was crying again.
"No, I don't suppose we can." I whispered, kissing her forehead gently.
"We should at least try to get some of our things." Daphne shifted herself out of my embrace and stood up. Her eyes were slightly red, but other than that, you couldn't tell that she had been crying.
"Meet you back here afterwards?" She nodded in consent to my suggestion and we parted ways.
~*~
I didn't even have to go inside. Apparently, my room had already been emptied of its contents. Scavenging around, I found a backpack and filled it with whatever essentials I could find.
They had dumped my safe outside, not knowing how to open it. Thank goodness for that. Sighing with relief (what little relief I could feel), I opened it and took out the $2000 I had saved up over the years. There was also some jewelry that had been presents from Christmases and birthdays past. I could probably sell them for money or perhaps give them to Daphne if she wanted.
I had just barely finished putting all my finding into the backpack when my mother stormed out of the house.
"Get away from my trash." She looked ready to kill someone.
"If it's trash, then you don't want it. So why can't I take it?"
"SHUT UP! LEAVE THIS HOUSE ALONE! DON'T EVER COME BACK!"
"And so a mother abandons her child." I commented dryly before turning away from her.
"YOU'RE NO CHILD OF MINE! GO BURN IN HELL!" I suppressed a snicker, despite the fact that this wasn't the time to be laughing. This was the worst I'd ever heard from my mother.
"I'll say hi to the devil for you!" I shouted to her as I walked away from the house I'd lived in for all my life. I would never return to that house.
~*~
It took Daphne around 10 minutes to arrive after I had made it to our designated waiting spot. She was carrying a filled bag.
"Any luck?" She nodded at my question and put down her bag.
"I got clothes, some money, and a bag of chips. You?"
"Clothes, money, and jewelry. Where'd you get the chips?"
"My dad let me in for a little, giving me the cold shoulder the whole time, but got me out of the house ASAP."
"Lucky you. My stuff was already outside."
"Already ou- Oh Jacob, I'm so sorry."
"There's nothing to be done about it." I replied bitterly.
"Where will we go now?"
"I don't know. How much money did you bring?" I honestly didn't know what we were going to do.
"$4000. Why?"
"First off, we need to find a place to live and secondly, we need money for food. Finally, I don't know if you're interested, but I was considering on getting a gender change as soon as possible."
"If you get a gender change, I'll do mines at the same time."
"We have to get enough money first. Do you know how much it costs?"
"No... But we can find out, right?"
"Yup. I suggest we try to get jobs though."
"Where?"
"I don't know. Where ever we can, I guess." I headed off towards the center of town, where there were stores that could possibly have job openings. Daphne followed behind hesitantly, unsure of what to do. To tell you truth, I didn't really know what to do either, but I tried my best.
It took a long time and a lot of persuading to get Daphne a job at Mario's as a waitress. (Actually, the job description was for a waiter, but I say waitress because I consider Daphne a girl. She applied as Noah though.) I was glad that we were both old enough to have jobs otherwise we would have been in quite a bit of a pickle.
The manager set out to teach Daphne how things worked and I told her I'd be back at 1 (it was around 11). Then I tried to get myself a job. The only job available was selling concessions at the movie theater. I accepted the job (a little reluctantly, for it wasn't a very appealing job) and told the manager I'd begin tomorrow after she had explained how everything operated.
Upon checking my watch, I found it was only a few minutes until it was 1, so I quickly made my way to Mario's. Daphne was already outside waiting for me.
"So everything is all set?" I asked, wanting to make sure things were okay.
"Yeah, I begin tomorrow, from 5 to 11 at night."
"You got the night shift?"
"Unfortunately, yes. It's a good thing I don't usually fall asleep until 12 at night. What about you?"
"Selling snacks at the theater from 6 am to 3 pm."
"Jeez, we only see each other for a couple hours, if at all."
"It'll be hard, but we'll have to make it work. We have no choice."
"I know..." There was a pause.
"We should look for shelter now, shouldn't we?" I looked at Daphne, then nodded in agreement.
"Someone might be renting a room or two if we're lucky." Picking up the town newspaper (someone had left it on a nearby bench), I looked at the ads.
We got lucky. Some lady was renting out the upper level of her house, plus access to the kitchen.
Monday, June 16, 2008
Coming Out (Chapter 6)
Daphne and I met for several months after that. She soon became skilled at the crafts I had taught her and quickly surpassed me. We found that her backyard worked for sport practice, as her father never paid attention to anything much but the tv and her mother was usually at work. I tackled the challenges will relish and she claimed that I was now better than her, though I wasn't a very good judge of such things. I suppose I would have been biased since I felt that anything she did was amazing.
Concerning our relationship, it didn't move much farther. The night that I had been knocked out had been purely a gut feeling that I followed. I enjoyed it though, and wondered how our relationship would turn out in the future. We did get past the touch barrier, and we were comfortable just casually putting an arm around the other and those kinds simple acts. The only thing was that we were scared to let our parents know that we were in a relationship. And we were also scared of having other kids our age find out. We stood a relatively decent distance apart in public but in private, we were much more comfortable and relaxed about everything.
We kept our relationship in the dark to the world. But then one day, everything changed.
"Jacob?"
"Is something wrong Daphne?" I stopped bouncing the soccer ball up and down on my knees, catching the whirling ball of black and white.
"It's not that something is wrong, it's more...don't you feel that this is wrong?"
"What feels wrong?"
"Hiding all this from the world. I want to be able to hug you in public. I want to be able to do things that 'normal'" (She scowled at the usage of the word, but I knew what she meant.) "couples do that aren't usually questioned by society."
"How do you want to go about this then?" I walked over to where Daphne had been absentmindedly embroidering a piece of cloth and sat in front of her.
"I want us to come out." I had been taking a breath in, and somehow I had managed to choke on my own saliva. It took a minute to recover from the coughing fit that followed.
"You want us to what?!" I hoped that I had heard her wrong.
"I want us to come out." I hadn't. If we were to come out, we would go through extreme bullying. A lot of problems would come up from our coming out.
"But...are you prepared for what will happen if you come out?"
"Of course I am."
"Are you really sure about that? I know the whole process will be hard, especially on the parents."
"Yes, I'm sure. Oh Jacob, please say you'll do it with me!"
"I..." I didn't really, but I found myself gazing into those gorgeous brown eyes and I felt myself give in. "I'll do it with you." I eventually said, knowing I'd probably regret the decision later.
"Thank you soooooo much Jacob!" she squealed, quickly hugging me.
"You're welcome." I murmured softly.
We hung out for a while more before it was around time for me to go to dinner. She made me promise that I would talk to my parents before the week was up. I did and then I headed home with dread weighing me down.
~*~
I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents on the first night, nor the second nor third. I only had a fourth and fifth night left. On the fourth night, my parents were so ecstatic about something Kathy did (I wasn't really listening), that I thought it unfair to intrude in their rejoicing.
Finally, I managed to bring it up at the dinner table.
"Um..."
"Don't say um!" snapped my mother.
"There's something I need to tell you."
"It isn't something bad is it? You haven't gotten yourself pregnant or done drugs?" my father inquired as I winced slightly.
"No, I'm not pregnant or on drugs. But it might be hard to take this."
"Shall we sit down properly and expect the unexpected?" My mother was the control freak she was as usual.
"That would be a good idea." The family scooted around until they were completely in their seats.
"This may come as a shock to you and I want you to think about it when I tell you." I could hear my pulse rushing through my ears. "You may have noticed certain changed about my hair and attire." My hands grew sweaty and damp. "There has been a reason for this change." I think my heart stopped for a moment here. "This is because I am a boy inside."
"That's a good joke, Jona!" Kathy said, smiling.
"No. It's not a joke. I was born a girl, but I should have been born a boy."
"Kathy. Please leave the room." My father looked ready to kill someone. Kathy, always the obedient one, left the room and headed to her bedroom.
"You freak of nature." my mother shot at me, her eyes cold.
"Get out. GET OUT! YOU AREN'T MY CHILD, GET OUT!" I had never heard such a commanding, harsh tone in my father's voice before. The only things I was able to take with me were what I was wearing and the cell phone that was in my pocket.
"THAT'S RIGHT, LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK YOU FREAK!" I could hear my father's voice in the distance as I ran to Daphne's.
When I knocked on the door, I was told that Daphne (well, her father said Noah) was gone and that I probably wouldn't find her here. And then the door was slammed on my face.
I ran to the first place I could think of; our little place in the woods behind my school. She was already there, sobbing into her hands.
"Daphne." I called softly, not wanting to surprise her. She looked up, her chocolate eyes ringed with red and tears falling from them.
"Jacob!" she cried out and ran to me. I folded my arms around her protectively, pulling her towards me as she sobbed into my shoulder.
I had never been as close to my family as Daphne had been, but the fact that my parents threw me out of the house hurt all the same. Poor Daphne though, her family was tight and it probably hurt her more than it hurt me.
We stood there for a while; her crying and me trying to comfort her. There was no where we could go when the sun finally set and the stars came out.
AN: This chapter just about killed me. I am feeling so bad for the characters' whose lives I just destroyed.
Concerning our relationship, it didn't move much farther. The night that I had been knocked out had been purely a gut feeling that I followed. I enjoyed it though, and wondered how our relationship would turn out in the future. We did get past the touch barrier, and we were comfortable just casually putting an arm around the other and those kinds simple acts. The only thing was that we were scared to let our parents know that we were in a relationship. And we were also scared of having other kids our age find out. We stood a relatively decent distance apart in public but in private, we were much more comfortable and relaxed about everything.
We kept our relationship in the dark to the world. But then one day, everything changed.
"Jacob?"
"Is something wrong Daphne?" I stopped bouncing the soccer ball up and down on my knees, catching the whirling ball of black and white.
"It's not that something is wrong, it's more...don't you feel that this is wrong?"
"What feels wrong?"
"Hiding all this from the world. I want to be able to hug you in public. I want to be able to do things that 'normal'" (She scowled at the usage of the word, but I knew what she meant.) "couples do that aren't usually questioned by society."
"How do you want to go about this then?" I walked over to where Daphne had been absentmindedly embroidering a piece of cloth and sat in front of her.
"I want us to come out." I had been taking a breath in, and somehow I had managed to choke on my own saliva. It took a minute to recover from the coughing fit that followed.
"You want us to what?!" I hoped that I had heard her wrong.
"I want us to come out." I hadn't. If we were to come out, we would go through extreme bullying. A lot of problems would come up from our coming out.
"But...are you prepared for what will happen if you come out?"
"Of course I am."
"Are you really sure about that? I know the whole process will be hard, especially on the parents."
"Yes, I'm sure. Oh Jacob, please say you'll do it with me!"
"I..." I didn't really, but I found myself gazing into those gorgeous brown eyes and I felt myself give in. "I'll do it with you." I eventually said, knowing I'd probably regret the decision later.
"Thank you soooooo much Jacob!" she squealed, quickly hugging me.
"You're welcome." I murmured softly.
We hung out for a while more before it was around time for me to go to dinner. She made me promise that I would talk to my parents before the week was up. I did and then I headed home with dread weighing me down.
~*~
I couldn't bring myself to tell my parents on the first night, nor the second nor third. I only had a fourth and fifth night left. On the fourth night, my parents were so ecstatic about something Kathy did (I wasn't really listening), that I thought it unfair to intrude in their rejoicing.
Finally, I managed to bring it up at the dinner table.
"Um..."
"Don't say um!" snapped my mother.
"There's something I need to tell you."
"It isn't something bad is it? You haven't gotten yourself pregnant or done drugs?" my father inquired as I winced slightly.
"No, I'm not pregnant or on drugs. But it might be hard to take this."
"Shall we sit down properly and expect the unexpected?" My mother was the control freak she was as usual.
"That would be a good idea." The family scooted around until they were completely in their seats.
"This may come as a shock to you and I want you to think about it when I tell you." I could hear my pulse rushing through my ears. "You may have noticed certain changed about my hair and attire." My hands grew sweaty and damp. "There has been a reason for this change." I think my heart stopped for a moment here. "This is because I am a boy inside."
"That's a good joke, Jona!" Kathy said, smiling.
"No. It's not a joke. I was born a girl, but I should have been born a boy."
"Kathy. Please leave the room." My father looked ready to kill someone. Kathy, always the obedient one, left the room and headed to her bedroom.
"You freak of nature." my mother shot at me, her eyes cold.
"Get out. GET OUT! YOU AREN'T MY CHILD, GET OUT!" I had never heard such a commanding, harsh tone in my father's voice before. The only things I was able to take with me were what I was wearing and the cell phone that was in my pocket.
"THAT'S RIGHT, LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK YOU FREAK!" I could hear my father's voice in the distance as I ran to Daphne's.
When I knocked on the door, I was told that Daphne (well, her father said Noah) was gone and that I probably wouldn't find her here. And then the door was slammed on my face.
I ran to the first place I could think of; our little place in the woods behind my school. She was already there, sobbing into her hands.
"Daphne." I called softly, not wanting to surprise her. She looked up, her chocolate eyes ringed with red and tears falling from them.
"Jacob!" she cried out and ran to me. I folded my arms around her protectively, pulling her towards me as she sobbed into my shoulder.
I had never been as close to my family as Daphne had been, but the fact that my parents threw me out of the house hurt all the same. Poor Daphne though, her family was tight and it probably hurt her more than it hurt me.
We stood there for a while; her crying and me trying to comfort her. There was no where we could go when the sun finally set and the stars came out.
AN: This chapter just about killed me. I am feeling so bad for the characters' whose lives I just destroyed.
Sunday, June 15, 2008
A Step Forward (Chapter 5)
The next thing that I could remember was seeing my mother and Daphne's faces looking down upon me. The first emotion that hit me was relief; my mother didn't seem angry. And then there was surprise; how had Daphne gotten me here?
"Jona! You're alright!" Daphne looked incredibly relieved. It felt strange to be addressed as Jona by Daphne. I always expected to hear Jacob. But my mother was here, so there was a reason for being called Jona.
"Honey, what happened?" For once, my mother wasn't giving me a lecture or ranting about something to me.
"I...don't really remember." I lied, not really wanting my mother to know. Apparently, Daphne hadn't told her anything about the fight or else she would have been already ranting.
"Noah says that he found you lying on the ground, unconscious." Inwardly, I twitched at hearing Daphne being called Noah. I'm sure she was too.
I suppose the clothes that she wore didn't give too much away, since she wore jeans and a t-shirt, which was gender neutral. Mother might have felt a slight feminine touch to Daphne's apparel, but since it was gender neutral, she must have accepted that Daphne was a boy. It was kind of awkward at the moment, for this was the first time that my parents (now that I noticed my father standing in the corner of the room) had met Daphne. Except, they knew her as Noah and as a boy, not a girl.
"Noah, you should go home now, you've been here for three hours." My father put his arm on Daphne's shoulder and attempted to turn her towards the door.
"I'll stay here, if you don't mind." She was firm yet polite. There was that 'don't mess with me' tone in her voice. My father looked at my mother, who shrugged as an answer.
"We'll leave you two to talk, then." Mother left the room, taking Father with her.
"Oh Jacob, I was so worried." murmured Daphne, leaning forward and embracing me. I felt my face heat up and I was sure my ears were turning a brilliant shade of red. After a moment's hesitation, I hugged her back, my fingers running through her amazing black hair.
I felt her move away from me and so I loosened my arms. She kept her arms around my shoulders as she looked into my eyes.
"I'm so glad you're alright." She smiled and her eyes twinkled merrily. I smiled back and on impulse, I gently kissed her on the forehead.
"Thank you for everything, Daphne." I mumbled, embarrassed at what I had just did. I hadn't really thought about it, I had just followed my instincts. Now I was a little worried that Daphne might think me too forward and turn away from me. I shifted my eyes downward, waiting for her reaction. Taking a chance, I flickered my eyes up to her face and...she was blushing! My lips urled into a smile as her lips gently brushed against my cheek.
"Um...look at the time! It's...uh...getting late! I better...erm...go now!" she stuttered, getting up and stumbling out the door. I gently touched the place where she had kissed me just moments ago. She was so cute when she blushed.
Daphne had been right though, it was 10 at night. I wasn't really tired after having been unconscious for three hours. (Had it really been that long? It sure didn't feel that late, but the sky outside was dark.)
Sighing, I lay back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I supposed that it would be good to et some sleep because I still did have school the next day, but it was hard to sleep when I wasn't tired.
As time passed, I heard my parents' footsteps signifying that they had gone to bed. Poking my head out the bedroom door, I peered into Kathy's room, where she was fast asleep. I slipped to my desk and started up the laptop, hoping that it wouldn't wake up my family. It was on mute and I had disabled the start up sounds, but the machine sometimes made funny fan noises so I was still concerned. I got onto gmail as fast as I could. (The laptop was being slow for no apparent reason, causing much annoyance.) Daphne was online.
Jacob: are you there?
Daphne: yes
Jacob: why are you up so late?
Daphne: because i feel like it
...what's it to you?
Jacob: nothing really just curious
Daphne: what was...you know...all about?
Jacob: you mean what happened at my house?
Daphne: *blush* yes
Jacob: i dont really know what possessed me to do it
Daphne: well im glad you did
Jacob: good to know
Daphne: *sighs* when will we meet again?
Jacob: i dont know
...i have a feeling the gang will be there after school for a while so that place is out of the options now
Daphne: you have a point there
...i dont really know where else we could meet
Jacob: theres a small wood behind my school
...we could meet there for your sewing lessons
...for sports it would be a little difficult
Daphne: well there is a huge field near my school but i dont know if you want something more private
Jacob: i dont think the gang will be searching anywhere near your school
...or at least i hope not
Daphne: i think we should try to play safe for now
...lets try and find a safer place sometime
Jacob: fine
Daphne: so after school tomorrow ill see you in the woods behind your school?
Jacob: where in the woods?
Daphne: good question i dont know the answer to it though
Jacob: theres a stone bench before theres woods
...we could meet there and then go in
Daphne: sounds good
...and btw, i took the sewing stuff to my house is that okay?
Jacob: yeah its fine
...i dont really even want the stuff anyways
Daphne: *claps hands* yays!
Jacob: lol someone seems happy
Daphne: someone is more than happy
Jacob: well then im glad
Daphne: my parents are yelling at me to go to bed because its 11
Jacob: then go to bed
Daphne: but i dont want to
Jacob: it would be worse if you were denied computer access
Daphne: i suppose you have a point
...fine ill go to bed
Jacob: good night
...sweet dreams
Daphne: thanks
...you too
She went offline and I logged out. I let the computer shut down and then slid under the covers. Still not sleepy. Though I tried to sleep, I ended up pulling an all-nighter. I wasn't tired in the morning, so I guess it wasn't too bad.
"Jona! You're alright!" Daphne looked incredibly relieved. It felt strange to be addressed as Jona by Daphne. I always expected to hear Jacob. But my mother was here, so there was a reason for being called Jona.
"Honey, what happened?" For once, my mother wasn't giving me a lecture or ranting about something to me.
"I...don't really remember." I lied, not really wanting my mother to know. Apparently, Daphne hadn't told her anything about the fight or else she would have been already ranting.
"Noah says that he found you lying on the ground, unconscious." Inwardly, I twitched at hearing Daphne being called Noah. I'm sure she was too.
I suppose the clothes that she wore didn't give too much away, since she wore jeans and a t-shirt, which was gender neutral. Mother might have felt a slight feminine touch to Daphne's apparel, but since it was gender neutral, she must have accepted that Daphne was a boy. It was kind of awkward at the moment, for this was the first time that my parents (now that I noticed my father standing in the corner of the room) had met Daphne. Except, they knew her as Noah and as a boy, not a girl.
"Noah, you should go home now, you've been here for three hours." My father put his arm on Daphne's shoulder and attempted to turn her towards the door.
"I'll stay here, if you don't mind." She was firm yet polite. There was that 'don't mess with me' tone in her voice. My father looked at my mother, who shrugged as an answer.
"We'll leave you two to talk, then." Mother left the room, taking Father with her.
"Oh Jacob, I was so worried." murmured Daphne, leaning forward and embracing me. I felt my face heat up and I was sure my ears were turning a brilliant shade of red. After a moment's hesitation, I hugged her back, my fingers running through her amazing black hair.
I felt her move away from me and so I loosened my arms. She kept her arms around my shoulders as she looked into my eyes.
"I'm so glad you're alright." She smiled and her eyes twinkled merrily. I smiled back and on impulse, I gently kissed her on the forehead.
"Thank you for everything, Daphne." I mumbled, embarrassed at what I had just did. I hadn't really thought about it, I had just followed my instincts. Now I was a little worried that Daphne might think me too forward and turn away from me. I shifted my eyes downward, waiting for her reaction. Taking a chance, I flickered my eyes up to her face and...she was blushing! My lips urled into a smile as her lips gently brushed against my cheek.
"Um...look at the time! It's...uh...getting late! I better...erm...go now!" she stuttered, getting up and stumbling out the door. I gently touched the place where she had kissed me just moments ago. She was so cute when she blushed.
Daphne had been right though, it was 10 at night. I wasn't really tired after having been unconscious for three hours. (Had it really been that long? It sure didn't feel that late, but the sky outside was dark.)
Sighing, I lay back down on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I supposed that it would be good to et some sleep because I still did have school the next day, but it was hard to sleep when I wasn't tired.
As time passed, I heard my parents' footsteps signifying that they had gone to bed. Poking my head out the bedroom door, I peered into Kathy's room, where she was fast asleep. I slipped to my desk and started up the laptop, hoping that it wouldn't wake up my family. It was on mute and I had disabled the start up sounds, but the machine sometimes made funny fan noises so I was still concerned. I got onto gmail as fast as I could. (The laptop was being slow for no apparent reason, causing much annoyance.) Daphne was online.
Jacob: are you there?
Daphne: yes
Jacob: why are you up so late?
Daphne: because i feel like it
...what's it to you?
Jacob: nothing really just curious
Daphne: what was...you know...all about?
Jacob: you mean what happened at my house?
Daphne: *blush* yes
Jacob: i dont really know what possessed me to do it
Daphne: well im glad you did
Jacob: good to know
Daphne: *sighs* when will we meet again?
Jacob: i dont know
...i have a feeling the gang will be there after school for a while so that place is out of the options now
Daphne: you have a point there
...i dont really know where else we could meet
Jacob: theres a small wood behind my school
...we could meet there for your sewing lessons
...for sports it would be a little difficult
Daphne: well there is a huge field near my school but i dont know if you want something more private
Jacob: i dont think the gang will be searching anywhere near your school
...or at least i hope not
Daphne: i think we should try to play safe for now
...lets try and find a safer place sometime
Jacob: fine
Daphne: so after school tomorrow ill see you in the woods behind your school?
Jacob: where in the woods?
Daphne: good question i dont know the answer to it though
Jacob: theres a stone bench before theres woods
...we could meet there and then go in
Daphne: sounds good
...and btw, i took the sewing stuff to my house is that okay?
Jacob: yeah its fine
...i dont really even want the stuff anyways
Daphne: *claps hands* yays!
Jacob: lol someone seems happy
Daphne: someone is more than happy
Jacob: well then im glad
Daphne: my parents are yelling at me to go to bed because its 11
Jacob: then go to bed
Daphne: but i dont want to
Jacob: it would be worse if you were denied computer access
Daphne: i suppose you have a point
...fine ill go to bed
Jacob: good night
...sweet dreams
Daphne: thanks
...you too
She went offline and I logged out. I let the computer shut down and then slid under the covers. Still not sleepy. Though I tried to sleep, I ended up pulling an all-nighter. I wasn't tired in the morning, so I guess it wasn't too bad.
Friday, June 13, 2008
The Tormentors are Back (Chapter 4)
Daphne didn't stop once we were out of her father's sight, so I assumed that she was going to take us somewhere a little more private. I didn't know this part of town quite so well, so though I had a vague idea of where we were going, I couldn't figure out where exactly until we had arrived there.
"You like it?" she said breathlessly. She looked proud of the place and I could understand why. It was a giant field with trees all along the outside. It was basically a meadow in the middle of a forest. And it was separated from the outside world.
"Yes. It's very secluded."
"I'm glad for it. Where shall we start? Sports or sewing?"
"Whichever one you want to start with."
"I know I shouldn't be selfish, but can we start with sewing?" I handed her a piece of cloth, a needle, and thread. We took a good 20 minutes just threading the needle. Well, at least, she did. It only took me a half a minute, but only because my mom had made me do it so many times before already.
"What am I supposed to sew?" She looked slightly confused as she turned the piece of flower cloth over.
"This is mostly for practice on stitches and the feel of sewing. When you get better, then you can start to really sew." My mother had done that with Lisa and me, though Lisa had been, and still was, a lot better than me.
I showed her how to make tiny stitches in the fabric and different styles of stitches for different purposes. She started out with very large and uneven stitches, but after an hour of working on it, she was better than I was. I quickly brushed over embroidery, knitting, and croqueting, but I hadn't brought things for that, so I could only explain to the best of my abilities without tools.
Daphne seemed satisfied with what she had learned today, though in her eyes, I could tell she hungered for more. But she ignored the great yearning to learn and began to explain the rules to all the sports she knew. With a basketball, she taught me the right way to dribble (though we never got around to actually dribbling because one knows you can't dribble on grass). With her soccer ball, she taught me how to maneuver with the ball and kick properly. (This I actually got to do and proved to be decent at it.) We also went over the basics of football, tennis, badminton, and some other ones that seem to escape my memory. At the end of one and a half hours of sports, I was, like her, pleased but wanting to learn more.
She began to practice sewing again, so I worked on keeping the soccer ball in the air with only my feet, legs, knees, and head. Everything was great until we got some...unwelcome guests.
It was the gang from the clothing store where I had met Daphne. I had no idea how exactly they found us, but they had.
"Hey you!" I ignored them and so did Daphne. They called to us again, closing in.
"I heard you're a boy." One of them was behind Daphne, talking into her ear. She flinched slightly.
"Dressing in drag are we? The two of you? A boy in girl clothes and girl in boy clothes. Pathetic." At this, Daphne stood up and I stopped with the soccer ball.
"Aww, how cute. They're just perfect for each other. Two weirdos together."
"And look, the girl was playing soccer and the boy was sewing. That's so gay." I clenched my teeth, trying not to say anything as they circled us, shooting insults. I could tell Daphne was doing the same. There was an aura was rising anger coming from her general direction.
"So you think you're so tough, eh? Think you're a boy?" One of them, a red head, had walked up to me and pushed me on the shoulder, making me half trip over my feet. I didn't fall, but he pushed the other shoulder as soon as I got my balanced. Another one dragged Daphne from the circle, and she managed to slap him a few times before she got thrown to the ground.
I was starting to see red from all the anger that was bubbling inside me. I wanted to punch all of them, all of those stupid people. But I didn't have an excuse for doing so, and I know that sounds stupid (and it felt stupid), but my mother would kill me if she knew I started a fight. So I had to wait. And I didn't have to wait for long.
Soon they were all swinging fists at me, and thank goodness for the martial arts training that my mother had made me take for self defense against rapists. Sounded stupid at the time, but it was helping me now. I managed to avoid the majority of the fists though I got on in the stomach and one on my eye. I'm not sure who I hit, but I remember making contact with a lot of them. Daphne, I didn't really remember what happened during that time, for all I could concentrate on was the incredible number of fists coming at me and how to dodge them.
Unfortunately, I began to tire, for I had been playing sports for a good hour and a half, and soon I was left in a fetus position on the ground, shielding my face from kicks. I think I had a bloody nose by then, but that may have been later. They mercilessly pounded me until all I could do was groan in pain and shift slightly to try to ease some of the pain. The leader gave one last good kick in the chest, leaving me breathless, and walked away with his gang, laughing.
Daphne somehow appeared out of nowhere and was above me, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay? I'm so sorry...." she murmured worriedly.
"I'll...be okay." I tried to say calmly. I'd never felt so much pain before all at once. Everything hurt.
"Can you get up?"
"I can try." I attempted to stand up, but my legs shook and crumpled beneath me.
"I'll go get help."
"You can't. My mother will kill me."
"It's going to be hard to disguise, Jacob. You have a black eye coming on." I was about to reply that I was in big trouble then, but the ground went funny and the world went fuzzy.
"You like it?" she said breathlessly. She looked proud of the place and I could understand why. It was a giant field with trees all along the outside. It was basically a meadow in the middle of a forest. And it was separated from the outside world.
"Yes. It's very secluded."
"I'm glad for it. Where shall we start? Sports or sewing?"
"Whichever one you want to start with."
"I know I shouldn't be selfish, but can we start with sewing?" I handed her a piece of cloth, a needle, and thread. We took a good 20 minutes just threading the needle. Well, at least, she did. It only took me a half a minute, but only because my mom had made me do it so many times before already.
"What am I supposed to sew?" She looked slightly confused as she turned the piece of flower cloth over.
"This is mostly for practice on stitches and the feel of sewing. When you get better, then you can start to really sew." My mother had done that with Lisa and me, though Lisa had been, and still was, a lot better than me.
I showed her how to make tiny stitches in the fabric and different styles of stitches for different purposes. She started out with very large and uneven stitches, but after an hour of working on it, she was better than I was. I quickly brushed over embroidery, knitting, and croqueting, but I hadn't brought things for that, so I could only explain to the best of my abilities without tools.
Daphne seemed satisfied with what she had learned today, though in her eyes, I could tell she hungered for more. But she ignored the great yearning to learn and began to explain the rules to all the sports she knew. With a basketball, she taught me the right way to dribble (though we never got around to actually dribbling because one knows you can't dribble on grass). With her soccer ball, she taught me how to maneuver with the ball and kick properly. (This I actually got to do and proved to be decent at it.) We also went over the basics of football, tennis, badminton, and some other ones that seem to escape my memory. At the end of one and a half hours of sports, I was, like her, pleased but wanting to learn more.
She began to practice sewing again, so I worked on keeping the soccer ball in the air with only my feet, legs, knees, and head. Everything was great until we got some...unwelcome guests.
It was the gang from the clothing store where I had met Daphne. I had no idea how exactly they found us, but they had.
"Hey you!" I ignored them and so did Daphne. They called to us again, closing in.
"I heard you're a boy." One of them was behind Daphne, talking into her ear. She flinched slightly.
"Dressing in drag are we? The two of you? A boy in girl clothes and girl in boy clothes. Pathetic." At this, Daphne stood up and I stopped with the soccer ball.
"Aww, how cute. They're just perfect for each other. Two weirdos together."
"And look, the girl was playing soccer and the boy was sewing. That's so gay." I clenched my teeth, trying not to say anything as they circled us, shooting insults. I could tell Daphne was doing the same. There was an aura was rising anger coming from her general direction.
"So you think you're so tough, eh? Think you're a boy?" One of them, a red head, had walked up to me and pushed me on the shoulder, making me half trip over my feet. I didn't fall, but he pushed the other shoulder as soon as I got my balanced. Another one dragged Daphne from the circle, and she managed to slap him a few times before she got thrown to the ground.
I was starting to see red from all the anger that was bubbling inside me. I wanted to punch all of them, all of those stupid people. But I didn't have an excuse for doing so, and I know that sounds stupid (and it felt stupid), but my mother would kill me if she knew I started a fight. So I had to wait. And I didn't have to wait for long.
Soon they were all swinging fists at me, and thank goodness for the martial arts training that my mother had made me take for self defense against rapists. Sounded stupid at the time, but it was helping me now. I managed to avoid the majority of the fists though I got on in the stomach and one on my eye. I'm not sure who I hit, but I remember making contact with a lot of them. Daphne, I didn't really remember what happened during that time, for all I could concentrate on was the incredible number of fists coming at me and how to dodge them.
Unfortunately, I began to tire, for I had been playing sports for a good hour and a half, and soon I was left in a fetus position on the ground, shielding my face from kicks. I think I had a bloody nose by then, but that may have been later. They mercilessly pounded me until all I could do was groan in pain and shift slightly to try to ease some of the pain. The leader gave one last good kick in the chest, leaving me breathless, and walked away with his gang, laughing.
Daphne somehow appeared out of nowhere and was above me, putting her hand on my shoulder.
"Oh my gosh, are you okay? I'm so sorry...." she murmured worriedly.
"I'll...be okay." I tried to say calmly. I'd never felt so much pain before all at once. Everything hurt.
"Can you get up?"
"I can try." I attempted to stand up, but my legs shook and crumpled beneath me.
"I'll go get help."
"You can't. My mother will kill me."
"It's going to be hard to disguise, Jacob. You have a black eye coming on." I was about to reply that I was in big trouble then, but the ground went funny and the world went fuzzy.
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Off to Daphne's (Chapter 3)
As sunlight filtered in through the window that I stupidly didn't cover with my curtains, I groggily opened my eyes and then stared at the clock. It shone, almost happily, that it was 6 in the morning. I half growled at it and then closed my eyes again, covering my head with the blankets.
It was starting to get too hot to sleep with blankets, but they were good for blocking out annoying sunlight. I don't honestly know if I fell asleep or not, I only remember the alarm going off at 6:30. I smashed the snooze button and tried to rest for another 9 minutes. The alarm began to tell me to wake up again at 6:39 and I used the snooze button until it was 6:57.
Finally, I got up and changed, (sorta) brushed my hair, washed my face, and headed down for breakfast. True to her word, my mother had really gone overboard with the diet thing. It was fruits and low-fat yogurt for breakfast. I wondered where she had gotten all this, but it would surprise me if she had woken up at 3 to go shopping for food. She sometimes did crazy things like that.
I ate a whole plate of fruit and a low-fat vanilla yogurt and slunk back into my room to get my backpack and books. I'd forgotten to stick my books back into my bag the night before, so I just stuffed them in quickly, not really caring if the papers were completely mauled in the process.
Saying goodbye to my mother, I walked to school, trying to ignore the stares on the way to the school. Most of the time, it was pretty easy to ignore the stares.
It was hard at first to pretend that nothing was going on, but I'd gotten used to it quickly. If one showed that they were uncomfortable, they were attacked verbally and physically. Since I dressed like a boy, the other boys would attack me for dressing like a boy and treat me like a boy in some aspects. They weren't afraid to hit me, which was kind of a good sign since they usually had a policy about not hitting girls. It was confusing sometimes. They treated me like it was wrong to dress like a guy (even though I didn't feel like a girl and knew I was a boy inside) but beat me up like a guy. It didn't make sense sometimes.
Once at school, I headed off to homeroom and dumped my backpack next to my desk. There was a circle of desks around mine that was always empty. Everyone always took a seat that wasn't next to mine. The school was way too conformist for my liking. The principal had even threatened to throw me out if I didn't change back to "girl clothes." I had ignored her and my parents had pleaded with him that I was just "going through a phase" and would grow out of it soon. Fat chance of that.
I wanted to get a gender change ASAP. Being in a girl's body was...strange and foreign. Before I realized that I was a boy, I had always felt like something was wrong. When I finally realized I was a boy, and not in fact lesbian, everything changed. I then understood why I had felt so out of place with the girls and comfortable with the guys. This was in around 5th grade, before we moved to here. I changed everything during the summer and on the first day of school...let's just say I nearly gave several teachers heart attacks.
The homeroom teacher gave a little speech about joining the a capella groups as I spaced off. I would rather die than sing for an a capella group. I was told I had a good voice, and I had even had a voice teacher for a half a year before the poor woman got fed up with me. It wasn't my decision, it was my mother's. I just didn't comply or listen to the woman's wishes. The woman was able to tolerate me for a half a year before she gave up. I don't even remember her name now, but I couldn't care less.
At the bell, I waited for all the other students to swarm out before standing up and walking out the door. I made my way to my first class of the day, algebra II, and then sitting down at my assigned seat. The people who sat near me were scooted as far away as possible from me. Inwardly, I gave a shrug. It was usual for this to happen.
The rest of the day passed in a blur, and as it got closer and closer to last block, I found myself itching to get out and meet Daphne. I couldn't concentrate on my classes at all. I mean, I normally didn't pay attention, but that was of my own will. That day, I couldn't pay attention even if I wanted to.
When the bell rang for last block, I once again waited for the others to leave and then quietly made my way out, alone.
I jogged my way home, backpack bouncing up and down behind me and digging into my shoulders. Once again, I was sweaty and my mother made me take a shower after eating an apple.
Flopping into my desk chair, I looked at the time. It was 3:20. If I was lucky, I could get some homework done before I left the house at 3:45. I probably only needed to have 5 minutes to get to Daphne's house, but I wanted some extra time just in case I got lost. It did happen, though not very often. I had a fairly good sense of direction. When Kathy asked me how to get to places, it was like a giant map formed in mid-air in front of me and I could tilt the map any way I wanted to see places. I just...knew.
I set off to do my homework and did so until I felt as if around 25 minutes had passed. (I managed to do 2 out of 8 homework assignments.) When I looked at the clock however, I found it was already 3:55. Panicking, I half tripped over my chair in my haste to get out the door. Half way down the hall, I realized I probably needed some sewing needles and cloth to show Daphne how to sew. Taking those and some other items, I once again rushed out the door and down the stairs. As I ran through the kitchen and out the door, my mother shouted after me that ladies should move gracefully and quietly. I ignored it.
I must have looked very strange, a girl dressed in boy clothes with sewing tools running down the street. Although, I don't recall anyone in particular staring at me. I made it to Daphne's house just as my watch beeped for 4 o'clock. Calming myself down, I took several deep breaths before ringing Daphne's doorbell.
"Hello." A man, I assumed it to be her father, opened the door.
"I'm looking for D-" I stopped. "Noah." I finished. I don't know if she had come out to her parents yet and I wasn't about to reveal it for her.
"And you are?"
"I'm Ja-Jona."
"Jay-Jona?"
"Jona."
"Nice to meet you Jona, I'm Noah's father."
"It's nice to meet you too, Mr. ..." Daphne had never told me her last name so currently I was without a clue as to how I should address her father.
"You can call me Mike." He said, seeing my dilemma. I gave a sigh of of relief.
"It's nice to meet you Mike." He offered a hand and I took it, shaking his hand firmly and meeting his eyes as I was trained to do. His eyes twitched slightly in surprise then he let go of my hand and turned around into the house.
"Noah!" he called into the building.
"Yes, dad?" she called back. It felt so strange for her to be called Noah. Her voice was a little deeper when she talked to her parents, but it still had that beautiful chiming tone that entranced me.
"Jona's here!" Daphne appeared next to her dad.
"Thanks dad!" she called as she rushed out the door, dragging me along.
It was starting to get too hot to sleep with blankets, but they were good for blocking out annoying sunlight. I don't honestly know if I fell asleep or not, I only remember the alarm going off at 6:30. I smashed the snooze button and tried to rest for another 9 minutes. The alarm began to tell me to wake up again at 6:39 and I used the snooze button until it was 6:57.
Finally, I got up and changed, (sorta) brushed my hair, washed my face, and headed down for breakfast. True to her word, my mother had really gone overboard with the diet thing. It was fruits and low-fat yogurt for breakfast. I wondered where she had gotten all this, but it would surprise me if she had woken up at 3 to go shopping for food. She sometimes did crazy things like that.
I ate a whole plate of fruit and a low-fat vanilla yogurt and slunk back into my room to get my backpack and books. I'd forgotten to stick my books back into my bag the night before, so I just stuffed them in quickly, not really caring if the papers were completely mauled in the process.
Saying goodbye to my mother, I walked to school, trying to ignore the stares on the way to the school. Most of the time, it was pretty easy to ignore the stares.
It was hard at first to pretend that nothing was going on, but I'd gotten used to it quickly. If one showed that they were uncomfortable, they were attacked verbally and physically. Since I dressed like a boy, the other boys would attack me for dressing like a boy and treat me like a boy in some aspects. They weren't afraid to hit me, which was kind of a good sign since they usually had a policy about not hitting girls. It was confusing sometimes. They treated me like it was wrong to dress like a guy (even though I didn't feel like a girl and knew I was a boy inside) but beat me up like a guy. It didn't make sense sometimes.
Once at school, I headed off to homeroom and dumped my backpack next to my desk. There was a circle of desks around mine that was always empty. Everyone always took a seat that wasn't next to mine. The school was way too conformist for my liking. The principal had even threatened to throw me out if I didn't change back to "girl clothes." I had ignored her and my parents had pleaded with him that I was just "going through a phase" and would grow out of it soon. Fat chance of that.
I wanted to get a gender change ASAP. Being in a girl's body was...strange and foreign. Before I realized that I was a boy, I had always felt like something was wrong. When I finally realized I was a boy, and not in fact lesbian, everything changed. I then understood why I had felt so out of place with the girls and comfortable with the guys. This was in around 5th grade, before we moved to here. I changed everything during the summer and on the first day of school...let's just say I nearly gave several teachers heart attacks.
The homeroom teacher gave a little speech about joining the a capella groups as I spaced off. I would rather die than sing for an a capella group. I was told I had a good voice, and I had even had a voice teacher for a half a year before the poor woman got fed up with me. It wasn't my decision, it was my mother's. I just didn't comply or listen to the woman's wishes. The woman was able to tolerate me for a half a year before she gave up. I don't even remember her name now, but I couldn't care less.
At the bell, I waited for all the other students to swarm out before standing up and walking out the door. I made my way to my first class of the day, algebra II, and then sitting down at my assigned seat. The people who sat near me were scooted as far away as possible from me. Inwardly, I gave a shrug. It was usual for this to happen.
The rest of the day passed in a blur, and as it got closer and closer to last block, I found myself itching to get out and meet Daphne. I couldn't concentrate on my classes at all. I mean, I normally didn't pay attention, but that was of my own will. That day, I couldn't pay attention even if I wanted to.
When the bell rang for last block, I once again waited for the others to leave and then quietly made my way out, alone.
I jogged my way home, backpack bouncing up and down behind me and digging into my shoulders. Once again, I was sweaty and my mother made me take a shower after eating an apple.
Flopping into my desk chair, I looked at the time. It was 3:20. If I was lucky, I could get some homework done before I left the house at 3:45. I probably only needed to have 5 minutes to get to Daphne's house, but I wanted some extra time just in case I got lost. It did happen, though not very often. I had a fairly good sense of direction. When Kathy asked me how to get to places, it was like a giant map formed in mid-air in front of me and I could tilt the map any way I wanted to see places. I just...knew.
I set off to do my homework and did so until I felt as if around 25 minutes had passed. (I managed to do 2 out of 8 homework assignments.) When I looked at the clock however, I found it was already 3:55. Panicking, I half tripped over my chair in my haste to get out the door. Half way down the hall, I realized I probably needed some sewing needles and cloth to show Daphne how to sew. Taking those and some other items, I once again rushed out the door and down the stairs. As I ran through the kitchen and out the door, my mother shouted after me that ladies should move gracefully and quietly. I ignored it.
I must have looked very strange, a girl dressed in boy clothes with sewing tools running down the street. Although, I don't recall anyone in particular staring at me. I made it to Daphne's house just as my watch beeped for 4 o'clock. Calming myself down, I took several deep breaths before ringing Daphne's doorbell.
"Hello." A man, I assumed it to be her father, opened the door.
"I'm looking for D-" I stopped. "Noah." I finished. I don't know if she had come out to her parents yet and I wasn't about to reveal it for her.
"And you are?"
"I'm Ja-Jona."
"Jay-Jona?"
"Jona."
"Nice to meet you Jona, I'm Noah's father."
"It's nice to meet you too, Mr. ..." Daphne had never told me her last name so currently I was without a clue as to how I should address her father.
"You can call me Mike." He said, seeing my dilemma. I gave a sigh of of relief.
"It's nice to meet you Mike." He offered a hand and I took it, shaking his hand firmly and meeting his eyes as I was trained to do. His eyes twitched slightly in surprise then he let go of my hand and turned around into the house.
"Noah!" he called into the building.
"Yes, dad?" she called back. It felt so strange for her to be called Noah. Her voice was a little deeper when she talked to her parents, but it still had that beautiful chiming tone that entranced me.
"Jona's here!" Daphne appeared next to her dad.
"Thanks dad!" she called as she rushed out the door, dragging me along.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Exercises (Chapter 2)
Thursday crawled along at snail pace. My classes were boring, just the same old stuff. I really wasn't too interested in most of the stuff in class except for Science, where we got to burn things and "work" with fire. I kinda played with the fire rather than worked with it.
When school finally let out at 2:50, I quickly packed my bag, slung it on my back, and jogged home. I hoped that Daphne would be on the computer so that I could talk to her. Gods, I missed her so much and I'd only met her once.
I wolfed down a snack (much to my mother's dismay) and then headed up to my room. I dumped my backpack near the desk and opened up gmail. (The computer was still on from yesterday, since I forgot to turn it off) She wasn't on, so as I waited, I tried to finish my homework so I wouldn't have to do it later.
I managed to get 4 out of 6 homework assignments done when she went online.
Jacob: you there?
Daphne: hey 'sup?
Jacob: was doing homework but too lazy to finish rest now that youre on
Daphne: aw thats sweet
Jacob: lol it wasn't meant in that way (I blushed in spite of what I said. I really was glad that she was on, but I wasn't about to admit it.)
...i get distracted by people easily
Daphne: oh
...well i cant wait for tomorrow
Jacob: neither can i
Daphne: *squees*
Jacob: squee?
Daphne: um...
...i guess you could call it a type of noise that people make when theyre excited
Jacob: weird...
Daphne: it's a girl thing
Jacob: i think i might know what youre talking about then
...i think my sis does that
Daphne: possibly
...ive never met your sis so i can't say
Jacob: how much homework do you have?
...and what school do you go to?
Daphne: i only have a couple minutes worth of work left
...and i go to delante
...i assume you go to yamen high school?
Jacob: yes
...you go to a private school?
...i don't recognize the name
Daphne: yeah its a private school
...whats public school like?
Jacob: public?
Daphne: ha ha real descriptive
Jacob: thanks
...theres a lot of people and theyre not all necessarily smart
...some are kinda dumb and some are really smart
...though a lot of the smart kids end up being boosted up a grade or sent off to private school
...are you one of the really smart kids?
Daphne: no
...my parents just wanted me to go to private school
...dunno why
Jacob: whats private school like then?
Daphne: there are a lot of rules and such
...probably not as many kids here as in public schools
...gah!
Jacob: what?
Daphne: moms calling me
...i gtg sorry
...ttyl
Jacob: ttyl
Daphne: bye
Once again, she was gone. I kept the laptop on and pushed it aside for a little more room on my desk for homework. Then I finished off the last two assignments for homework and hoped that Daphne would go back online. She didn't.
Mom eventually called me down for dinner around 6. I went through another round of lectures before slinking upstairs back into my room. I really needed to get out more often. My boring, inactive life was killing me. I wanted some form of exercise. To distract myself, I grabbed a stress ball and starting tossing it up and catching it. Not the most interesting thing ever, but it was sort of exercise. Then I began to bounce it off the wall. Kathy shouted through to wall to stop whatever I was doing. Giving a sigh, I stopped. And then I got a brain spark. Why hadn't I thought of that before? I could do all those silly almost in place exercises. The ones that most people hated.
I began to do push-ups on the ground. Around 15 my arms gave way and I landed on my stomach with a thump. Pitiful. It hurt, but it felt good. I did crunches while I waited for my arms to stop throbbing. When my stomach hurt, I did push-ups again. I continued with this cycle until my upper body hurt too much to go on. Then I began to work on my lower body.
Not being the great fan of flexibility exercises, I tried to avoid those, though I found that it was needed to do certain movements anyways. I guess the few dance lessons that my mother had made me take did come in handy in the end. I began to do kicks up into the air in the front, side, and back. I couldn't get any farther than perpendicular to the ground. Heck, I don't think I even go that far. But it was a start, and I could get better.
Just then, my foot hit a hand held pencil sharpener that had been teetering on the edge of the desk and it flew into the air, crashing onto the ground. I made a mental note to be more careful where my feet went.
When my legs were good and sore, I stretched until my breathing slowed, and then I went onto my laptop to search some good exercises. I printed out some sheet and picked them up from downstairs, where the printer was. (Don't ask me how the laptop is connected to the printer from upstairs to downstairs because my father did that, not me.)
My mother caught me taking the sheets upstairs.
"What. Is. That?" Her voice demanded answers.
"They teach you how to do exercises." I answered, not lying.
"What do you need them for?"
"Um... I...am trying to lose some weight." I finally decided to say. I had never wanted to lose weight, but...it was an excuse. And it was a way to divert her from the odor that I was giving off, for she was wrinkling her nose in distaste.
"Really? Then you need to change your diet as well." She began to rattle off a list of changes that were going to be made in our household so that I could lose weight as I slipped into my room unnoticed.
I tried some of the exercises out (meaning I only did each one basically once to get a feel for them) and was almost done with trying all of them when I realized that it was 9 and I hadn't taken a shower yet. I quickly grabbed some clean clothes and took a quick shower. I didn't bother blow drying my hair now that it was short. My sister did because her hair went to her waist (She'd been growing it for almost 3 years now. Or maybe more.) and wouldn't dry naturally unless you gave it 3 to 4 hours.
I got into bed and for the first time in ages, I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
When school finally let out at 2:50, I quickly packed my bag, slung it on my back, and jogged home. I hoped that Daphne would be on the computer so that I could talk to her. Gods, I missed her so much and I'd only met her once.
I wolfed down a snack (much to my mother's dismay) and then headed up to my room. I dumped my backpack near the desk and opened up gmail. (The computer was still on from yesterday, since I forgot to turn it off) She wasn't on, so as I waited, I tried to finish my homework so I wouldn't have to do it later.
I managed to get 4 out of 6 homework assignments done when she went online.
Jacob: you there?
Daphne: hey 'sup?
Jacob: was doing homework but too lazy to finish rest now that youre on
Daphne: aw thats sweet
Jacob: lol it wasn't meant in that way (I blushed in spite of what I said. I really was glad that she was on, but I wasn't about to admit it.)
...i get distracted by people easily
Daphne: oh
...well i cant wait for tomorrow
Jacob: neither can i
Daphne: *squees*
Jacob: squee?
Daphne: um...
...i guess you could call it a type of noise that people make when theyre excited
Jacob: weird...
Daphne: it's a girl thing
Jacob: i think i might know what youre talking about then
...i think my sis does that
Daphne: possibly
...ive never met your sis so i can't say
Jacob: how much homework do you have?
...and what school do you go to?
Daphne: i only have a couple minutes worth of work left
...and i go to delante
...i assume you go to yamen high school?
Jacob: yes
...you go to a private school?
...i don't recognize the name
Daphne: yeah its a private school
...whats public school like?
Jacob: public?
Daphne: ha ha real descriptive
Jacob: thanks
...theres a lot of people and theyre not all necessarily smart
...some are kinda dumb and some are really smart
...though a lot of the smart kids end up being boosted up a grade or sent off to private school
...are you one of the really smart kids?
Daphne: no
...my parents just wanted me to go to private school
...dunno why
Jacob: whats private school like then?
Daphne: there are a lot of rules and such
...probably not as many kids here as in public schools
...gah!
Jacob: what?
Daphne: moms calling me
...i gtg sorry
...ttyl
Jacob: ttyl
Daphne: bye
Once again, she was gone. I kept the laptop on and pushed it aside for a little more room on my desk for homework. Then I finished off the last two assignments for homework and hoped that Daphne would go back online. She didn't.
Mom eventually called me down for dinner around 6. I went through another round of lectures before slinking upstairs back into my room. I really needed to get out more often. My boring, inactive life was killing me. I wanted some form of exercise. To distract myself, I grabbed a stress ball and starting tossing it up and catching it. Not the most interesting thing ever, but it was sort of exercise. Then I began to bounce it off the wall. Kathy shouted through to wall to stop whatever I was doing. Giving a sigh, I stopped. And then I got a brain spark. Why hadn't I thought of that before? I could do all those silly almost in place exercises. The ones that most people hated.
I began to do push-ups on the ground. Around 15 my arms gave way and I landed on my stomach with a thump. Pitiful. It hurt, but it felt good. I did crunches while I waited for my arms to stop throbbing. When my stomach hurt, I did push-ups again. I continued with this cycle until my upper body hurt too much to go on. Then I began to work on my lower body.
Not being the great fan of flexibility exercises, I tried to avoid those, though I found that it was needed to do certain movements anyways. I guess the few dance lessons that my mother had made me take did come in handy in the end. I began to do kicks up into the air in the front, side, and back. I couldn't get any farther than perpendicular to the ground. Heck, I don't think I even go that far. But it was a start, and I could get better.
Just then, my foot hit a hand held pencil sharpener that had been teetering on the edge of the desk and it flew into the air, crashing onto the ground. I made a mental note to be more careful where my feet went.
When my legs were good and sore, I stretched until my breathing slowed, and then I went onto my laptop to search some good exercises. I printed out some sheet and picked them up from downstairs, where the printer was. (Don't ask me how the laptop is connected to the printer from upstairs to downstairs because my father did that, not me.)
My mother caught me taking the sheets upstairs.
"What. Is. That?" Her voice demanded answers.
"They teach you how to do exercises." I answered, not lying.
"What do you need them for?"
"Um... I...am trying to lose some weight." I finally decided to say. I had never wanted to lose weight, but...it was an excuse. And it was a way to divert her from the odor that I was giving off, for she was wrinkling her nose in distaste.
"Really? Then you need to change your diet as well." She began to rattle off a list of changes that were going to be made in our household so that I could lose weight as I slipped into my room unnoticed.
I tried some of the exercises out (meaning I only did each one basically once to get a feel for them) and was almost done with trying all of them when I realized that it was 9 and I hadn't taken a shower yet. I quickly grabbed some clean clothes and took a quick shower. I didn't bother blow drying my hair now that it was short. My sister did because her hair went to her waist (She'd been growing it for almost 3 years now. Or maybe more.) and wouldn't dry naturally unless you gave it 3 to 4 hours.
I got into bed and for the first time in ages, I fell asleep almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.
Tuesday, June 10, 2008
Meeting Daphne (Chapter 1)
"You think you're so funny, dressing like a guy? Huh? Huh? Well then act like one!" One of my usual tormentors and his gang surrounded me in the corner of a clothing store. I had been shopping on the guy side of the store, trying to disguise myself as a guy. Unfortunately, being in 10th grade, my horomones had kicked in long ago and it was hard to hide the womanly curves I had gained over the years. It was possible to hide some with baggy clothes but my bust was just a little too big to hide.
The bully swung a fist at me and I braced myself for the blow when...it didn't come. I opened my eyes to see a gorgeous girl with long black hair to her waist holding the fist back.
"Leave him alone." There was a dangerous tone to her gentle voice.
"I don't hit girls. Missy, I need you to move."
"You have to go through me to get to him."
"Miss, she's not even a boy."
"You said you didn't hit girls."
"I-aaaahhhgggg" He knew that he had lost and he ran away, his gang trailing behind him.
"Are you alright?" Concerned chocolate-brown eyes looked down at me.
"Y-yes." I stammered, looking at this beautiful girl. She pulled me aside to a corner of the store where there weren't any people nearby.
"Are you TS like me?" she whispered
"TS?"
"Transgender."
"Oh, yes."
"I can't believe you didn't know that."
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't be."
"So you're-"
"A guy, yes." She...err...he...um...it? tied the raven hair into a pony tail at the nape of her neck. I decided that I would refer to her as a she, for that was what she was inside. It didn't matter if she was probably still considered a guy by many.
"I never guessed..." I murmured softly.
"Good, I'm glad. Then it worked." I couldn't believe that she was actually a guy even though she hadn't done changes. She was beautiful. There were no womanly curves, but she carried herself with a womanly grace.
"I-I'm Jona. It's what my parents named me." I stammered.
"Nice to meet you Jona. My real name is Noah, but please call me Daphne."
"Daphne..." I rolled the word around on my tongue. It was a good choice. "That's a nice name."
"Thank you. I picked it out for myself."
"You need a name for yourself though."
"Oh, I...never really thought of that before. How about Jonas?"
"It's too similar to your real name. Try...Jacob."
"Jacob. I like it. Thank you, Daphne." At this point, she whipped out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it.
"Here's my e-mail address. E-mail me as soon as you can. I have to go now! See ya around!" And then she was gone.
I stared at the paper. It read: Daphne's e-mail address-ntodchange@gmail.com. It took me a while to realize that the 'n' stood for Noah and the 'd' stood for Daphne. If you wrote it out, it said Noah to Daphne change. It was simple and discreet.
I quickly bought the clothes that I had picked out, telling the cashier that these were for my father (she had given me a funny look and I don't know if she believed me) and quickly raced home. Upon reaching home, I was hot and sweaty from running and it felt good. Although, my mother didn't approve. She gave a me a whole lecture on how ladies should walk carefully and make sure they don't break a sweat and blahdy blah. Whatever. I took a shower when she told me to and I quickly ran a towel through my hair. Then I turned on my laptop and shifted from one foot to another impatiently as I waited for the computer to load. (I was standing, btw)
My fingers zipped across the keyboard as I typed in the password to unlock my computer. Then I logged onto my gmail account and added Daphne to my contacts. Almost immediately after, my computer blipped to tell me that someone was trying to contact me. Naturally, it was Daphne. A tingle ran through me as I typed a reply.
ntodchange: hey jacob!
Jona: hi daphne
Daphne: 'sup? (at this point I had changed her name so that it read Daphne instead of ntodchange)
Jacob: nothing much.
...mom complained earlier 'bout how i was all sweaty from running and how proper ladies walk slowly and dont break a sweat and all that stupid stuff (here I changed mines to Jacob instead. It was a little strange, but it felt right. Besides, I had no other contacts other than Daphne.)
Daphne: sounds interesting actually.
Jacob: maybe to you but i have to deal with this every single day of my life and i'm not even interested in this kind of stuff
Daphne: well i am.
...I have to deal with my dad telling me that i should be doing sports instead of trying to learn how to sew
Jacob: not fair!!!
...my mom always tries to make me sew and embroider and all sorts of weird things. i really want to do sports!!!!
Daphne: we should get together some day and switch off our knowledge
Jacob: sounds good to me. when?
Daphne: i dunno.
...does friday at 4 at my house sound good? (It was Wednesday that day)
Jacob: sounds good though we might want to move out of the house after meeting at your house.
...speaking of which, where is your house?
Daphne: 7 vernshire st.
...and yours?
...out of curiousity...
Jacob: 3 granlake rd.
Daphne: and your phone just in case i need to call you.
...my house is 917-338-1250 and my cell is 863-0012-5377
Jacob: home-917-339-2456
...cell: 863-625-9107
Daphne: cool ive added you to my contacts on my cell now
Jacob: k
...i'll add yours to mine asap (I took out my cell and typed in her contact information quickly)
Daphne: i gtg to dinner now
Jacob: kk ttyl then
Daphne: ttyl
She went offline and I flopped onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. I probably should have turned off the laptop at that point because it would run out of batteries quickly, but I didn't because I was too busy thinking of Daphne.
Out of all the crushes I had, I'd never felt anything like this for a girl. Daphne understood me and she was very supportive. The fact that she would talk to me was a definite bonus too.
"Jona?" There was a series of soft knocks on my door. I wished that the name she had called me by was Jacob. I was starting to like the name.
"Come in" I drawled, still sprawled out on my bed in a casual manner. The door opened and my mother gave me a look of shock before launching into yet another lecture. She was saying something about sitting properly and how ladies should not have their legs so far apart and so on and so forth. I really wasn't listening too carefully, but I nodded all the same and sat up, positioning myself in a dainty manner that was proper for ladies. She nodded approvingly and left. As soon as that door was closed, I returned to my old position on the bed.
A couple minutes later, my mother called me down to dinner and I ate as my mother once again talked about how I should sit up and not eat like a slob and look politely at the other members of the family. My sister, of course, was the darling of the family. Kathy was perfect and followed all instructions given by my mother. What a brat. I scowled at her as she smiled sweetly across the table as mother told me not to slouch for the 8th time.
When the food on my plate had disappeared, I excused myself, dumped the plate into the sink, and escaped upstairs into my room. I closed the door gently and took a look at my computer which had almost ran out of batteries. Quickly, I began to charge it, which is what I should have done in the first place. And then there was a beep from the computer.
Daphne: hey
Jacob: hey
Daphne: have you eaten?
Jacob: yup just got back from dinner
Daphne: anything interesting happen when i left?
Jacob: nothing really.
...just my sis being a pest
Daphne: whats your sis like?
...and whats her name?
Jacob: blonde, blue eyed, perfect in every way to my parents
...the name is Kathy
Daphne: sounds like a cutie
Jacob: thats what everyone says
...i think otherwise
Daphne: have you any other siblings?
Jacob: nope just me and my sis and my parental units
Daphne: parental units?
...lol XD
Jacob: thats what i use for parents when i don't like them very much
...or when im trying to be funny
...kinda anyways
...do you have any siblings?
Daphne: no just me and my mom
Jacob: sorry if im being rude but...you dont have a dad?
Daphne: i never knew my dad
...he kinda ditched my mom when he found out she was pregnant
Jacob: *winces*
...ouch...
Daphne: kinda
...but we live
Jacob: thats good
...btw, have you done a change yet?
Daphne: no still got my guy parts
...have you?
Jacob: no still got my girl parts (the conversation was starting to get slightly awkward at this point.)
Daphne: its around 8 now and i gotta shower and then do my homework (I blushed at the thought of her showering but was glad for the change of topic.)
Jacob: k
...ttyl then
Daphne: cya
Jacob: bye
Daphne: bye
Then she logged off and I began the process of turning off my laptop, for there wasn't anyone else to really talk to. I already missed her and I had just been talking to her moments ago. I swear I was addicted to her.
I skipped taking a shower and just changed my clothes. Then I slipped into bed and the last thing I remember thinking about was Daphne and her deep brown eyes.
AN: This is weird, but I actually dreamed this. This is based off of a dream I had last night. Btw, I didn't name the characters after anyone. I was actually Noah/Daphne in the dream, but I chose to write it from Jona's/Jacob's perspective. Well, I wasn't exactly Noah/Daphne, but I was at the same time. It was like I was outside of her but controlling her movements.
The bully swung a fist at me and I braced myself for the blow when...it didn't come. I opened my eyes to see a gorgeous girl with long black hair to her waist holding the fist back.
"Leave him alone." There was a dangerous tone to her gentle voice.
"I don't hit girls. Missy, I need you to move."
"You have to go through me to get to him."
"Miss, she's not even a boy."
"You said you didn't hit girls."
"I-aaaahhhgggg" He knew that he had lost and he ran away, his gang trailing behind him.
"Are you alright?" Concerned chocolate-brown eyes looked down at me.
"Y-yes." I stammered, looking at this beautiful girl. She pulled me aside to a corner of the store where there weren't any people nearby.
"Are you TS like me?" she whispered
"TS?"
"Transgender."
"Oh, yes."
"I can't believe you didn't know that."
"I'm sorry..."
"Don't be."
"So you're-"
"A guy, yes." She...err...he...um...it? tied the raven hair into a pony tail at the nape of her neck. I decided that I would refer to her as a she, for that was what she was inside. It didn't matter if she was probably still considered a guy by many.
"I never guessed..." I murmured softly.
"Good, I'm glad. Then it worked." I couldn't believe that she was actually a guy even though she hadn't done changes. She was beautiful. There were no womanly curves, but she carried herself with a womanly grace.
"I-I'm Jona. It's what my parents named me." I stammered.
"Nice to meet you Jona. My real name is Noah, but please call me Daphne."
"Daphne..." I rolled the word around on my tongue. It was a good choice. "That's a nice name."
"Thank you. I picked it out for myself."
"You need a name for yourself though."
"Oh, I...never really thought of that before. How about Jonas?"
"It's too similar to your real name. Try...Jacob."
"Jacob. I like it. Thank you, Daphne." At this point, she whipped out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it.
"Here's my e-mail address. E-mail me as soon as you can. I have to go now! See ya around!" And then she was gone.
I stared at the paper. It read: Daphne's e-mail address-ntodchange@gmail.com. It took me a while to realize that the 'n' stood for Noah and the 'd' stood for Daphne. If you wrote it out, it said Noah to Daphne change. It was simple and discreet.
I quickly bought the clothes that I had picked out, telling the cashier that these were for my father (she had given me a funny look and I don't know if she believed me) and quickly raced home. Upon reaching home, I was hot and sweaty from running and it felt good. Although, my mother didn't approve. She gave a me a whole lecture on how ladies should walk carefully and make sure they don't break a sweat and blahdy blah. Whatever. I took a shower when she told me to and I quickly ran a towel through my hair. Then I turned on my laptop and shifted from one foot to another impatiently as I waited for the computer to load. (I was standing, btw)
My fingers zipped across the keyboard as I typed in the password to unlock my computer. Then I logged onto my gmail account and added Daphne to my contacts. Almost immediately after, my computer blipped to tell me that someone was trying to contact me. Naturally, it was Daphne. A tingle ran through me as I typed a reply.
ntodchange: hey jacob!
Jona: hi daphne
Daphne: 'sup? (at this point I had changed her name so that it read Daphne instead of ntodchange)
Jacob: nothing much.
...mom complained earlier 'bout how i was all sweaty from running and how proper ladies walk slowly and dont break a sweat and all that stupid stuff (here I changed mines to Jacob instead. It was a little strange, but it felt right. Besides, I had no other contacts other than Daphne.)
Daphne: sounds interesting actually.
Jacob: maybe to you but i have to deal with this every single day of my life and i'm not even interested in this kind of stuff
Daphne: well i am.
...I have to deal with my dad telling me that i should be doing sports instead of trying to learn how to sew
Jacob: not fair!!!
...my mom always tries to make me sew and embroider and all sorts of weird things. i really want to do sports!!!!
Daphne: we should get together some day and switch off our knowledge
Jacob: sounds good to me. when?
Daphne: i dunno.
...does friday at 4 at my house sound good? (It was Wednesday that day)
Jacob: sounds good though we might want to move out of the house after meeting at your house.
...speaking of which, where is your house?
Daphne: 7 vernshire st.
...and yours?
...out of curiousity...
Jacob: 3 granlake rd.
Daphne: and your phone just in case i need to call you.
...my house is 917-338-1250 and my cell is 863-0012-5377
Jacob: home-917-339-2456
...cell: 863-625-9107
Daphne: cool ive added you to my contacts on my cell now
Jacob: k
...i'll add yours to mine asap (I took out my cell and typed in her contact information quickly)
Daphne: i gtg to dinner now
Jacob: kk ttyl then
Daphne: ttyl
She went offline and I flopped onto my bed, staring at the ceiling. I probably should have turned off the laptop at that point because it would run out of batteries quickly, but I didn't because I was too busy thinking of Daphne.
Out of all the crushes I had, I'd never felt anything like this for a girl. Daphne understood me and she was very supportive. The fact that she would talk to me was a definite bonus too.
"Jona?" There was a series of soft knocks on my door. I wished that the name she had called me by was Jacob. I was starting to like the name.
"Come in" I drawled, still sprawled out on my bed in a casual manner. The door opened and my mother gave me a look of shock before launching into yet another lecture. She was saying something about sitting properly and how ladies should not have their legs so far apart and so on and so forth. I really wasn't listening too carefully, but I nodded all the same and sat up, positioning myself in a dainty manner that was proper for ladies. She nodded approvingly and left. As soon as that door was closed, I returned to my old position on the bed.
A couple minutes later, my mother called me down to dinner and I ate as my mother once again talked about how I should sit up and not eat like a slob and look politely at the other members of the family. My sister, of course, was the darling of the family. Kathy was perfect and followed all instructions given by my mother. What a brat. I scowled at her as she smiled sweetly across the table as mother told me not to slouch for the 8th time.
When the food on my plate had disappeared, I excused myself, dumped the plate into the sink, and escaped upstairs into my room. I closed the door gently and took a look at my computer which had almost ran out of batteries. Quickly, I began to charge it, which is what I should have done in the first place. And then there was a beep from the computer.
Daphne: hey
Jacob: hey
Daphne: have you eaten?
Jacob: yup just got back from dinner
Daphne: anything interesting happen when i left?
Jacob: nothing really.
...just my sis being a pest
Daphne: whats your sis like?
...and whats her name?
Jacob: blonde, blue eyed, perfect in every way to my parents
...the name is Kathy
Daphne: sounds like a cutie
Jacob: thats what everyone says
...i think otherwise
Daphne: have you any other siblings?
Jacob: nope just me and my sis and my parental units
Daphne: parental units?
...lol XD
Jacob: thats what i use for parents when i don't like them very much
...or when im trying to be funny
...kinda anyways
...do you have any siblings?
Daphne: no just me and my mom
Jacob: sorry if im being rude but...you dont have a dad?
Daphne: i never knew my dad
...he kinda ditched my mom when he found out she was pregnant
Jacob: *winces*
...ouch...
Daphne: kinda
...but we live
Jacob: thats good
...btw, have you done a change yet?
Daphne: no still got my guy parts
...have you?
Jacob: no still got my girl parts (the conversation was starting to get slightly awkward at this point.)
Daphne: its around 8 now and i gotta shower and then do my homework (I blushed at the thought of her showering but was glad for the change of topic.)
Jacob: k
...ttyl then
Daphne: cya
Jacob: bye
Daphne: bye
Then she logged off and I began the process of turning off my laptop, for there wasn't anyone else to really talk to. I already missed her and I had just been talking to her moments ago. I swear I was addicted to her.
I skipped taking a shower and just changed my clothes. Then I slipped into bed and the last thing I remember thinking about was Daphne and her deep brown eyes.
AN: This is weird, but I actually dreamed this. This is based off of a dream I had last night. Btw, I didn't name the characters after anyone. I was actually Noah/Daphne in the dream, but I chose to write it from Jona's/Jacob's perspective. Well, I wasn't exactly Noah/Daphne, but I was at the same time. It was like I was outside of her but controlling her movements.
Introduction
I don't know when I truly realized when I was not what I seemed on the outside. All I know is that I know that my old body did not show who I was inside.
It took a lot to get to this stage in my life. It wasn't as hard for me, but for the love of my life, it was hard. I helped as much as I could, but my love had to go through most of it alone, for it was not my battle. It killed me every time I saw all the suffering and pain that happened. I wish that I had done more about it at the time, but... I was young. I was naive and inexperienced. Not only that, I felt as if I was alone in the world.
At school, it was difficult. The school consisted of boys with short hair and girls with long hair. Not a single girl had short hair. So when I cut my long golden hair off into a more boy style cut, there was extreme shock. That wasn't the only thing that was difficult. All the girls either wore skirts or dresses, no matter what the weather. When I started wearing jeans, it was....interesting, to say the least.
I suppose I was an outcast in the first place, having just moved there recently. Taking advantage of a new school, I promised myself that I would make a different impression on this school. My parents were shocked, but they thought I was just going through a phase. They had no idea really. I tried several times to bring it up, but I just couldn't.
My mother continued to take me out shopping, when I clearly had no interest whatsoever on the topic of clothes. My father was never really home, so it wasn't too bad, but when he was home, he expected me to act like a dignified young lady, despite the fact that I wasn't wearing a skirt or dress. I wanted to eat like a slob and just wolf down my food, but my father always made sure that I cut my food into tiny bits before taking delicate bites of food and chewing slowly. The whole process of dinner drove me insane.
I should have been grateful that my parents at least accepted the change of hair and clothes, but I felt like my life was a living hell.
The school was often separated into two part. One side of the cafeteria would always be guys, and the other side would be girls. It wasn't until school ended that they would mix. I always sat on the girls' side, but I felt out of place. I longed to be with the guys, laughing and joking and slapping each other on the back.
Sometimes I would be caught staring at the boy side of the cafeteria, though that wasn't too much of a problem, because the girls just automatically assumed that I had a crush on one of them. Actually, I had a crush on several of the girls, but I couldn't tell them that or else they would think I was lesbian, which would just make the situation worse, since this school was completely homo-phobic.
When I wanted to do school sports, my mother and father complained that it was unlady-like and they would bother me so much that eventually to make them shut up, I would just walk away from the whole argument. All kinds of sports fascinated me. I longed to feel the rush of adrenaline from the wind blowing past. I wanted to taste the satisfaction of winning.
The only sport that I managed to convince my parents to let me do was cheerleading. I felt stupid as I did my flips and tumbles and watched the football team place. I wanted to be on the team but all I could do was cheer for them and hoped they would win.
I couldn't find my place in the world until I met Daphne.
It took a lot to get to this stage in my life. It wasn't as hard for me, but for the love of my life, it was hard. I helped as much as I could, but my love had to go through most of it alone, for it was not my battle. It killed me every time I saw all the suffering and pain that happened. I wish that I had done more about it at the time, but... I was young. I was naive and inexperienced. Not only that, I felt as if I was alone in the world.
At school, it was difficult. The school consisted of boys with short hair and girls with long hair. Not a single girl had short hair. So when I cut my long golden hair off into a more boy style cut, there was extreme shock. That wasn't the only thing that was difficult. All the girls either wore skirts or dresses, no matter what the weather. When I started wearing jeans, it was....interesting, to say the least.
I suppose I was an outcast in the first place, having just moved there recently. Taking advantage of a new school, I promised myself that I would make a different impression on this school. My parents were shocked, but they thought I was just going through a phase. They had no idea really. I tried several times to bring it up, but I just couldn't.
My mother continued to take me out shopping, when I clearly had no interest whatsoever on the topic of clothes. My father was never really home, so it wasn't too bad, but when he was home, he expected me to act like a dignified young lady, despite the fact that I wasn't wearing a skirt or dress. I wanted to eat like a slob and just wolf down my food, but my father always made sure that I cut my food into tiny bits before taking delicate bites of food and chewing slowly. The whole process of dinner drove me insane.
I should have been grateful that my parents at least accepted the change of hair and clothes, but I felt like my life was a living hell.
The school was often separated into two part. One side of the cafeteria would always be guys, and the other side would be girls. It wasn't until school ended that they would mix. I always sat on the girls' side, but I felt out of place. I longed to be with the guys, laughing and joking and slapping each other on the back.
Sometimes I would be caught staring at the boy side of the cafeteria, though that wasn't too much of a problem, because the girls just automatically assumed that I had a crush on one of them. Actually, I had a crush on several of the girls, but I couldn't tell them that or else they would think I was lesbian, which would just make the situation worse, since this school was completely homo-phobic.
When I wanted to do school sports, my mother and father complained that it was unlady-like and they would bother me so much that eventually to make them shut up, I would just walk away from the whole argument. All kinds of sports fascinated me. I longed to feel the rush of adrenaline from the wind blowing past. I wanted to taste the satisfaction of winning.
The only sport that I managed to convince my parents to let me do was cheerleading. I felt stupid as I did my flips and tumbles and watched the football team place. I wanted to be on the team but all I could do was cheer for them and hoped they would win.
I couldn't find my place in the world until I met Daphne.
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